Time To Speak Up

Courageous Conversations are conversations during which we discover the courage to speak openly, honestly and authentically with each other about issues that may be difficult for us to discuss. Often Courageous Conversations are conversations we have been thinking about having - to clear up uncomfortable feelings, clarify ways in which we might work together more effectively, or share an entirely different (and perhaps controversial) point of view that we fear might not be positively received. We may have even rehearsed them in our head - preparing what we might say if we were to engage in one. Courageous conversations become crucial usually when a difference has been ignored too long. In today’s climate of political correctness and gender sensitivity it’s not hard to understand some issues are difficult to discuss. As managers we are cautioned about appropriate and inappropriate topics. That aside, most issues are best tackled head-on, fear of handling a conversation poorly should come behind fear of not having that conversation at all.

We know when we are entering the territory of Courageous Conversations , because we may feel awkward or unsure of ourselves, in contrast to our usual feelings of being articulate and in control. We may even experience immediate cues in our bodies - a faster beating heart, respiration that increases, and clammy hands when just thinking about voicing our thoughts and/or feelings.

Issues that we avoid discussing may have become "un-discussable' or definitely NOT okay to talk about within the workgroups in which we find ourselves. If we practice Courageous Conversations we contribute to "clearing the air," preventing "politics" from interfering with getting good work done, and learn to speak openly about issues that often feel too risky to discuss and are left unspoken.

The trouble is that although unspoken, these issues may continue to preoccupy our minds, may be so real they feel palpable (there's an elephant in the room but nobody is acknowledging its presence), and the decision to keep thoughts or issues under cover could do more damage than if they were openly discussed. The discomfort, anxiety, even fear that prevents us from having such conversations is an important signal that IF we engage in them, we must conduct them thoughtfully and respectfully. As we said earlier, the last thing we want to do is to make a situation worse, threaten a project's success, or endanger important relationships.

Courageous Conversations do, indeed, take us out of our comfort zones. The advantage to the organization is that, if done well, relationships become more trusting and authentic, peoples' actions are congruent with their words, and the conversations "behind closed doors' and the "behind the scenes gossip' evaporate. The organization's norms expand to encourage people to admit to mistakes, ask for help, and realize that strong relationships require work.

Courageous Conversations are conversations we can all learn to initiate and conduct by becoming aware of and practicing the 8 step process:

1.      Re-frame – The reason for the conversation while pausing to enter into a helpful attitude and intention of resolution.

2.      Tell the Truth Fast – and accurately, leave out the emotional background - focus on what you hope to learn and your intention for the conversation and ongoing relationship.

3.      Mutual Understanding - listening generously, clarifying points, reflecting back, and inquiring.

4.      State Desired Changes - stating what you each want.

5.      You’re entitled to your Point of View - Don’t apologize for stating the truth or even how you feel.

6.      Don’t be vague -- be specific and be prepared to offer examples, but try and avoid the desire to pile on. Bring up only relative facts don’t go digging far into the past.

7.      Close the Door - don’t feel like you must offer possible excuses for the other person, stick to the facts you know.

8.      Find Common Ground - looking for resolution to the issue at hand based on common ground.

These simple steps ease us into the conversation and increase the probability of success. We can learn to have them "in real time" - enabling us to deal with issues as they surface rather than holding back our "real' thoughts and saving them up for later.

Of course there is no guarantee of success, which is why it is important to evaluate the risk/benefit ratio prior to initiating a Courageous Conversation. Only when the potential benefits appear to outweigh the risks, is it advisable to step into the process. Learning about Courageous Conversations includes learning to conduct a risk/benefit evaluation in order to decide whether to initiate the conversation.

Courageous Conversations have important strategic value - ultimately contributing to increased effectiveness, high performance, and an organizational culture that is in a continuous cycle of learning and growth. The rate of growth is not just incremental but has the potential to be "world class" in its ability to adapt to change, grow, and inspire and motivate its work force.  

Communicating: We communicate during about 80% of our waking hours.

Writing: Writing accounts for 9% of our communicating activity.

Reading : Of our communicating time, 16% is used to read.

Speaking: We use 30% of our communicating time speaking.

Listening: Listening accounts for 45% of our communicating behavior.

Remembering: We can recall effectively only 25% of what we listen to.
Immediate memory: An individual's immediate recall of the average brief message is only 50%.
Memory after 48 hours: Within 48 hours, of that 50% remembered, we forget more than half of that, leaving only 10% to 25% of what we tried to remember.
Remembering after a phone call: If we only use our hearing, as in a telephone call, we retain even less than 25% of what we heard, because of lack of visual input.

Emotional Impact Through Words: What you say is far less important than how you say it. Only 7% of the feelings expressed in a spoken message are conveyed by the words themselves.

Meaning Through Sound Of Voice: 38% of the meaning of our message comes from the sounds we make as we speak: tone, volume, inflection, pitch, pace, pauses, and many others.

Meaning Conveyed By Body Language: 55% of the meaning of what we say is conveyed by body language, nonverbally: facial expressions, posture, gestures, animation, tenseness, eye contact, breathing, and etc.

Chunks of Information: The average person in the audience remembers only 7 chunks of information at best, and usually more like 3 or 4, depending on concentration levels.

Speaking Time/Typed Pages: The average 30 minute speech is equal to about 13 double-spaced typed pages.

Number of Words/Speaking Time: It takes about 140 words to equal 1 minute of speaking time.