Office Relationships
If anything can go wrong with your workplace romance, 
it probably will.

HR professionals ponder the dark side of office romance as they reluctantly draft workplace relationship policy. They know all too well that water cooler gossip quickly spills into the lunchroom--and the executive suite. Statistically, four out of ten people will become romantically involved at work. If you're flirting with the idea of flirting at the office, beware. Long glances, subtle smiles, and accidental touches could suddenly turn you into the company outcast. And if you fall in love, your sweetheart may not be willing to sacrifice his/her professional life.

The Harsh Reality
Those of us who have been burned by office romances know that once the flame dies, your career is often reduced to ashes as well. In my mid-20's, I was approached by my boss. Under the guise of career assistance, he said that he would act as my mentor. We met three times a week to talk shop. When he started calling me at home, sending flowers, and following me around, it was apparent he was interested in more than my career. At one office party, after several drinks, he announced that he was leaving his wife to prove his love for me.

As you might expect, senior management got wind of the situation. I was permanently and unceremoniously laid off. My boss was merely given a scolding. I heard through friends that the company just wanted to help him get his life back together. With sexual harassment charges unheard of at that time, the company effectively saved his career and ended mine.

News From the Front
Brenda, a finance clerk, and her office romance partner, John, an engineer, certainly didn't expect their romantic interlude to become public in such a humiliating manner. Working late one evening, they quietly slipped outside the building to spend a few minutes together. Unfortunately, the company's security camera captured their intimacy.

The following day, Brenda was summoned to the human resources office and made painfully aware of the video. Both Brenda and John received six months probation and letters of reprimand in their personnel files. To add to their discomfort, they had to endure the whispered comments and smirks of their peers. After a couple of weeks, Brenda quit under the strain. John remained, but a promised promotion never materialized.

Jim, a supervisor for an insurance firm, felt that he was ready to settle into a serous relationship. He always liked his secretary, Wendy, and one day asked her out for a date. In a short time, Jim and Wendy were deeply involved in a serious relationship. Both single, they didn't keep their relationship a secret at the office. They felt they were honest and remained professional. But co-workers worried whether Wendy was benefiting from special treatment. Several complained to management. Two days later, Wendy and Jim no longer worked together. Jim was told to keep his personal life out of the office, and he didn't receive a deserved promotion. Wendy and Jim both left the company and eventually married.

After the Fire Goes Out
The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) recently conducted a workplace survey of 600 HR professionals. Twenty-four percent claimed that those involved in office romances exhibit lower productivity. More than fifty percent said that while workplace romances aren't officially prohibited, management definitely discourages such relationships. A whopping 88 percent of the respondents reported their companies had policies restricting office romances due to the increasing potential for sexual harassment charges.

It's no wonder companies discourage office romances--the costs are far too high. A recent survey by Working Woman magazine made this clear. With increased turnover, lower productivity, and absenteeism, problems arising from office romance and sexual harassment cost the average company more than $280 per employee per year.

When Co-Workers Talk
Even if your office romance has become the subject of office talk, you may be able to retain your job and self-respect. According to Julien C. Carter, the Minnesota Commissioner of Employee Relations, "The ideal situation would be if the parties to the relationship could agree to ground rules about how they will act at work. It is important that they maintain a professional relationship so that productivity doesn't suffer. If re-establishing the professional relationship seems like an impossible goal," he says, "then perhaps assistance could be provided by the organization's EAP or mediation service."

Unfortunately, few companies offer this kind of help to office sweethearts. For obvious reasons, senior managers would rather put as much distance as possible between themselves and lunchtime lovers--especially when the water cooler whispers begin. Debra Benton, author of How To Think Like A CEO, says that people are usually on their own when it comes to dealing with the repercussions of a romance. "The individual with the lower-level job," she claims, "usually the woman, is the one who will suffer most. This is unfair, but true. My experience has shown that person almost always ends up leaving."

The Ethics of Office Romance
According to noted psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers, reporting a co-worker for suspected fraternization is not always the best choice. "Unless you have actually been hiding under a bed or lurking behind a curtain," she says, "I doubt that you have proof of a sexual relationship. This is a sticky situation." Instead, she advises taking your co-worker aside and explaining that people are talking. At that point, it's up to your friend to decide what to do next.

Not all office romances end up in ashes, of course. Men and women have been falling in love at the office for eons and many of these romances end up in marriage. When couples do marry, companies usually require that they report to different managers from then on. But a lateral move in the organization seems a small price to pay for gaining a life partner.

If you've decided to try your luck in the office dating game--despite all the possible negative consequences--at least take a few simple precautions.

• Put some distance in the relationship while you're in the office.

• Always maintain a professional presence at work.

• Never give--or accept--special treatment from your partner

• Seriously consider finding another job for yourself or your partner.